Delusional

Crystal has never wanted to talk to me about what happened the night I called the cops. All she would say is that she is mad at me. Up until today, I thought it was because I called the police on her. She kept telling me that people were e-mailing her about Dusty. (our old dog) I kept telling her to post it but she never would. I thought it was that she didn't want people to be mad at me.

NEWS FLASH: Mr. McKnob says, "If you don't like me, are mad at me, or disagree with me... Good for you. I don't care because tomorrow I'm going to get up, put my boots on, and live life as usual."

In that story I almost couldn't believe she was serious. I was furious at her because 90% of it was a total lie. Crystal isn't one to construct such a horrible story so I gave her a call. Before I realized that she was balling and in tears, I lashed out at her. "What the hell is up with this story on your blog?" She began to tell me that it is all my fault because I told her I was going to kill the dog.

OK. I did tell her that Dusty needed to be taken into the woods and be shot after I came home to see my entire house destroyed. But, that was weeks prior. I felt bad because Crystal and I weren't getting along during this period. Mostly because of the stupid shit she would say on ambien. She would say stuff like "There is a yellow and blue car outside and they want to talk to you." But, I'd go outside and nothing was there. Then when I asked her about it she would tell me that I was crazy. She either put on one hell of a show or really had no clue she was talking to me. I wouldn't find out until later that she was taking ambien and 2 other scripts that were not to be mixed together.

Apparently the OBGYN gave her one thing, the regular doc gave her another, and her physc gave her another. On that particular night, she threw alcohol into the mix. She was having a little get together and thought it would be fine to drink socially. I knew better and asked her not to but you can't convince someone that is not in their right mind. Besides I was there to keep an eye on her right. Yeah. Never think that. We had gotten into an argument earlier and I had given her a deadline to get rid of Dusty or we were through. When I confronted her on it that day she wigged out, told me my timing sucked and that she was looking for a home for him.

I have the boy scout motto tattooed in my brain. "Always be prepared." One of the guys down the street told me about this farmer down the road that LOVES dogs and takes in all kinds of strays. So, naturally, I went to look. Sure enough there was a huge yard with about 6-7 dogs. At least I think it was 6-7 because that's about how many were biting at my tires as I cut out. I also called the shelter. They wanted $40 to take him so i called the guy that took Daisy. He said He would as long as I brought him out there.

Dusty must have gotten out 3 times that night because he would dart out the door every time it was opened. There were times 2-3 days would go by and we would get a call saying that they'd found him and you could always hear his loud ass in the background. He almost NEVER stopped barking. EVER. That's one of the reasons he had to go. NONE of us could sleep through the night. He would bark and wake us up and then after Crystal would get him quiet Harmony would wake up from all the commotion. It was a cycle that needed to be broken.

I decided about 3rd time he got out that night to put my foot down and finally be rid of him. When I tried talking to Crystal about it she blew up and went into the backyard with her friend so they could talk privately, probably about me.

The time had come and I did what I had to do. Giving him away wasn't as emotional as one would think. With a new baby and no sleep it was almost as if a pressure was relieved.

I had to make it clear to Crystal and V that they couldn't bring every single stray dog home and that I don't like pets running around the house with a baby around, especially one as rough as Dusty was.

It would be nearly 3 hours before I heard from her again.

I went to bed only to be woken up by a pissed off, drunken, mascara running monster. She tried hitting me with the leash but I could tell she was jacked out of her friggin mind. I ran her a bath to calm her down as I had done before when she went off the deep end. She was crying so hard that she shouldn't catch her breath and at that point I thought it would be better to just turn the shower on so she wouldn't drown if I had to go check on the girls. It took a while to get her into the bathroom because she couldn't stand up. After about 15 mins in the shower she finally quit crying and went into what I call her zombie state. The had her eyes open but would say or do nothing. With her head tilted to one side she kept staring the the toilet.

I left to go make sure the girls were ok and when I got back she had gotten the bottle of Ambien off of the shelf just above the toilet and it looked like she was about to turn it up so i took it from her and flushed them. She started crying again and then started saying that she didn't deserve the kids and that she doesn't deserve to live. Then she said that she wanted to die. I didn't know if she was serious or not. I'm thinking I may have done the wrong thing by grilling her to see if she was serious or not.

She started shivering because the shower ran out of hot water and asked me to take her to bed. I finally got her dried off and in bed then I put a shirt on her all the while she is whimpering saying that she wants to die. I asked her if she was saying that to get back at me or if she really meant it. She said nothing but "I want to die!" over and over and over. At this point I was seriously pissed. She was getting back at me and wanted revenge because she knows I would never do ANYTHING to hurt her.

This went on for an hour and I had prepared to call 911 if she tried anything. Lots of things were said that I will take with me to the grave. The time finally came when I didn't think things were going to turn around so I made the call.

This was an extremely difficult point in our lives and I would only find out later that she thought she had killed Dusty and and a plethora of other things. How the hell could she have thought she killed a dog when she cant even kill a bug? No wonder this has been haunting her for some time now. I have been mad at her for putting me in that situation and she has been mad at me for putting her in the hospital.

This grudge alone has sparked all kinds of negativity in our marriage. Please, If someone you love doen't want to talk about a certain situation or event, I beg you to talk to them. Especially if one party was under the influence. It could save you lots of hurt and lots of hate.


Crystal,

I don't blame you. I blame the meds but you could have made better decisions that could have potentially avoided this. I'm glad it's over and you and I can get back to normal life. It's done.