You will NOT die if you don't forward this. Well not immediately. Umm. Maybe immediately but not because of this. Ok maybe because of this if you are reading it while driving. Anyway, just take it for what it is worth.
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47 ODD things about you.
If you opened this.. copy and paste,
Delete my answers and put in yours.
Forward to your friends.
Learn 47 things about your friends and let them learn 50 things about you!
1. Do you like blue cheese? Only on BWW’s chicken (parmesan garlic)
2. Have you ever smoked heroin? No
3. Do you own a gun? Yes. A few
4. What flavor do you add to your drink at sonic? None. If it aint broke, don’t fix it.
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? A little anxious I guess
6. What do you think of hot dogs? I love cheese dogs and all beef franks
7. Favorite Christmas movie? Home alone?
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Diet Dew Hands down.
9. Can you do push ups? A few
10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? My Watch. My boo got it for me
11. Favorite hobby? Flying RC planes and photography
12. Do you have A.D.D.? I think might havvv… yeah my watch is pretty sweet.
13. What's one trait you hate about yourself? My weight
14. Middle name? Kreg
15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment: (1) Wondering if there is any other person on earth outside my family with that middle name (2) Did mike hear anything else about his leg? (3) Dang I’m sleepy.
16. Name 3 things you bought yesterday. A diet Mt. Dew, Pop-Tarts, and listing fees on eBay
17. Name 4 drinks you regularly drink? Diet Dew, Water, Sweet Tea, and Milk
18. Current worry? Is the economy ever going to pick up? I hope I still have a job tomorrow.
19. Current hate right now? People who lie, cheat, abuse and take other people for granted
20. Favorite place to be? Pretty much anywhere but Memphis but mostly ARUBA!!!
21. How did you bring in the New Year? I don’t remember. I was probably drunk or sleeping or both.
22. Where would you like to go? Ireland
23. Name two people who will complete this? Crystal & Maybe Hannah
24. Do you own slippers? Do crocs count?
25. What shirt are you wearing? A military green one
26. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? Not really. 1200TC Egyptian cotton on the other hand......
27. Can you whistle? Yep. Name the tune. I whistle instead of sing. Don’t ever ask me to sing.
28. Favorite color? Cant pick just one. Blue, red, purple, green, orange, and black
29. Would you be a pirate? Absolutely!!
30. What songs do you sing in the shower? I guess it depends on the mood. It could be anything from the Mario Bro’s theme to classic rock to the David Hasselhoff song from AGT.
31. Favorite girl's name? Harmony
32. Favorite boy's name? Malachi
33. What's in your pocket right now? 39 cents, a digital camera (for work), 3 peppermints, OK make that 2 peppermints and a wrapper
34. Last thing that made you laugh? The Obama joke I head this morning. (Yes I laugh at jokes even if they are tasteless)
35. Best bed sheets as a child? Dude! The football one. I don’t care that it was made of sandpaper.
36. Worst injury you've ever had? Combination of bloody & ground up knees and elbows, my lip split open, and 6 teeth getting knocked out
37. Do you love where you live? The house YES, the placement of the house NO!
38. How many TV's do you have in your house? 4
39. Who is your loudest friend? My sister Hannah
40. How many dogs do you have? None at the moment
41. Does someone have a crush on you? Yes! Don’t you?
42. What is your favorite book(s)? Book series? Who still reads? They will make a movie about it if it’s worth reading.
43. What is your favorite candy? Beef Jerky (is that a candy?)
44. Favorite Sports Team? Dallas Cowboys
45. What song do you want played at your funeral? Will I really care? Whatever helps people cope.
46. What were you doing 12 AM last night? Er…. Ummmm, You don’t want to hear about it.
47. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? How much more time before I have to be at work.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Recovery
I don't understand why after taking a vacation, I feel like I need a few days to recoup before I get back to work. Maybe it's the jumping back into the chaos of life with the kids, house, work, and marriage. It seems that I have been more busy at work since I've been back, than I have been in the past year and a half. Seriously. Last night was the first night in weeks that I've slept all the way through the night (except when Harmony busted up in our bedroom with wet clothes). She had an ass-i-dent. Sometimes, I want to put a dent in her ass.
Yesterday, we walked in the door and I asked her if she needed to go potty.
"No Dada."
Seriously not 30 seconds later, there was a hint of nastiness. "Harmony, did you poo poo in your big girl panties?"
She looked guilty, lowering her chin and looking up at me while shaking her head no. I checked and sure enough, she was clean. So, I asked her if she tooted.
"HAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaa. Ha ha ha ha ha!"
OK. I took that as a "yes" but just as a precaution I asked her again if she needed to take the Browns to the Super Bowl, go potty, or poo poo.
"No Dada."
I walked around the corner to check my e-mail and about 45 seconds later I hear, "Daada. I goss poo poo in my diaper."
"Are you kidding me? NOOooo! You have poo in your big girl panties. You don't wear diapers anymore."
I wish they had like an obedience school for kids during the potty training phase. You know, send her off for a few days and when you get her back she is potty trained. That would be awesome. Can you imagine working at a place like that? I bet Mike Rowe could take it.
Seriously though. She brightens up my day and for that matter, my life. I cant get enough of her and I can't get enough of a break from her. She is my puddin. I took this pic just 20 minutes before she produced a 100 Grand.
Yesterday, we walked in the door and I asked her if she needed to go potty.
"No Dada."
Seriously not 30 seconds later, there was a hint of nastiness. "Harmony, did you poo poo in your big girl panties?"
She looked guilty, lowering her chin and looking up at me while shaking her head no. I checked and sure enough, she was clean. So, I asked her if she tooted.
"HAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaa. Ha ha ha ha ha!"
OK. I took that as a "yes" but just as a precaution I asked her again if she needed to take the Browns to the Super Bowl, go potty, or poo poo.
"No Dada."
I walked around the corner to check my e-mail and about 45 seconds later I hear, "Daada. I goss poo poo in my diaper."
"Are you kidding me? NOOooo! You have poo in your big girl panties. You don't wear diapers anymore."
I wish they had like an obedience school for kids during the potty training phase. You know, send her off for a few days and when you get her back she is potty trained. That would be awesome. Can you imagine working at a place like that? I bet Mike Rowe could take it.
Seriously though. She brightens up my day and for that matter, my life. I cant get enough of her and I can't get enough of a break from her. She is my puddin. I took this pic just 20 minutes before she produced a 100 Grand.
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The fishing stuff is coming.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Fishing Day 1
Edit:
I decided to break it up so the boredom doesn't continue on forever.
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Finally. I went fishing. The trip was turning out to be the single most relaxing event of my adult life. My buddy Mike and I spent the drive catching up and just shootin' the shit. Something I had not done in a long time. We were not on a schedule of any kind. No plans other than to get there at some point and go fishing. We were stocked up with the essentials. We had diet Mt. Dew, booze, snacks, and the iMac. THAT'S RIGHT , I said iMac. You can't go 4 days without computer access. That would be torture and I was there to have fun and relax. Besides, I happened to have a good friend with access to an empty house for sale up there.
I always love it when we get up in the mountains until I get car sick. It is so beautiful there. As a matter of fact, I took a few pics that I will post later. (I have been threatening to start Photo Phriday again so maybe I will do it then. Besides, The Dam Operator sent a few I haven't posted yet.) We arrived, met up with my buddy Dan, picked out our rooms, and unpacked. It was almost surreal. There were no TVs going, no traffic, no kids arguing, no wives complaining, no kids whining, no dirty diapers, and most importantly no drama. Just the sound of crickets, locusts, frogs, and the occasional bat. That was until the bottles opened and the cigars came out. After we filled our glass with the poison of our choice, the guys convinced me to sign up for Pandora.
I had heard about Pandora before but didn't think I would like it a
s much as everyone said I would because I could just shuffle through iTunes. I know I like most of the songs on my iTunes and figured that "if it ain't broke, don't fix it." Crystal complains that I have that mentality a lot and i can't argue with her. If I visit a restaurant for the first time and I like what I order, chances are that it will be the same thing I order every time there. She has had to get me to come out of my shell a little but I kinda like it in my shell because it's safe. Unlike an overloaded canoe. (I'll get to that later.) She has been known to order my food while I run to drain the radiator. (That means taking a leak for you people not from the mosquito filled woods of Arkansas.) Wow. I seriously am random man. Back to Pandora. It is pretty cool and it's free. I signed up and we listened to streaming radio while hanging out and and talking about the Paula Dean restaurant in Tunica. (not kidding) Later I would find out that she was at BlogHer. Just thought that was a cool fact. Anyhow. So smoked a few cigars and we all thew a few back till time to rest up. I do mean a few. We had a big fishing trip the next day and didn't want to be all jacked up.
I have to admit. I was nervous about getting Dan and Mike together. Not that I thought they would have any problems. They are two of the coolest guys I know and I wouldn't have taken a chance of ruining the vacation if I didn't think they wouldn't get along. You just never know when, or if, 2 people are going to totally clash. It rarely happens with the guys I know but it has, and it was, in the back of my mind. Day one was at a close and we were prepared to conquer the river.
I decided to break it up so the boredom doesn't continue on forever.
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Finally. I went fishing. The trip was turning out to be the single most relaxing event of my adult life. My buddy Mike and I spent the drive catching up and just shootin' the shit. Something I had not done in a long time. We were not on a schedule of any kind. No plans other than to get there at some point and go fishing. We were stocked up with the essentials. We had diet Mt. Dew, booze, snacks, and the iMac. THAT'S RIGHT , I said iMac. You can't go 4 days without computer access. That would be torture and I was there to have fun and relax. Besides, I happened to have a good friend with access to an empty house for sale up there.
I always love it when we get up in the mountains until I get car sick. It is so beautiful there. As a matter of fact, I took a few pics that I will post later. (I have been threatening to start Photo Phriday again so maybe I will do it then. Besides, The Dam Operator sent a few I haven't posted yet.) We arrived, met up with my buddy Dan, picked out our rooms, and unpacked. It was almost surreal. There were no TVs going, no traffic, no kids arguing, no wives complaining, no kids whining, no dirty diapers, and most importantly no drama. Just the sound of crickets, locusts, frogs, and the occasional bat. That was until the bottles opened and the cigars came out. After we filled our glass with the poison of our choice, the guys convinced me to sign up for Pandora.
I had heard about Pandora before but didn't think I would like it a
s much as everyone said I would because I could just shuffle through iTunes. I know I like most of the songs on my iTunes and figured that "if it ain't broke, don't fix it." Crystal complains that I have that mentality a lot and i can't argue with her. If I visit a restaurant for the first time and I like what I order, chances are that it will be the same thing I order every time there. She has had to get me to come out of my shell a little but I kinda like it in my shell because it's safe. Unlike an overloaded canoe. (I'll get to that later.) She has been known to order my food while I run to drain the radiator. (That means taking a leak for you people not from the mosquito filled woods of Arkansas.) Wow. I seriously am random man. Back to Pandora. It is pretty cool and it's free. I signed up and we listened to streaming radio while hanging out and and talking about the Paula Dean restaurant in Tunica. (not kidding) Later I would find out that she was at BlogHer. Just thought that was a cool fact. Anyhow. So smoked a few cigars and we all thew a few back till time to rest up. I do mean a few. We had a big fishing trip the next day and didn't want to be all jacked up.I have to admit. I was nervous about getting Dan and Mike together. Not that I thought they would have any problems. They are two of the coolest guys I know and I wouldn't have taken a chance of ruining the vacation if I didn't think they wouldn't get along. You just never know when, or if, 2 people are going to totally clash. It rarely happens with the guys I know but it has, and it was, in the back of my mind. Day one was at a close and we were prepared to conquer the river.
Friday, July 24, 2009
BlogHer 2009 or '09 whatever.
I want to send out a challenge to everyone there. If you can get Crystal to get her blue hat, put it on, and take a picture of her in it, I will reward you. Not with one of those fake blog award things either. I mean something real. Don't know what it is yet but I will come up with something. I will pick a random winner if I get more than one entry.
I bought her this AWESOME blue hat that clashes with everything she has and made her promise to wear it at BlogHer. So far I don't think she has worn it at all. GRRrrrr.
Additionally, If you can just get a pic of her I will consider entering you into the drawing. I am usually the one taking the pics everywhere and I bogarted the camera to capture the moment I reel in that monster fish this weekend.
Seriously. I want a damn pic of her all dressed up in that friggin blue hat. PLEASE help me.
To the potential anon commenter: Yes I am begging. I have NO shame.
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Something I learned from a friend of mine. Calling 1 (800) my-puppy will not get you $15 in coupons for dog food. Geez. where do people get this crap from.
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I can't wait to get back and post about the totally awesome fishing excursion I am about to go on. YEeeeeeee HAaaawwwwww!!!
I bought her this AWESOME blue hat that clashes with everything she has and made her promise to wear it at BlogHer. So far I don't think she has worn it at all. GRRrrrr.
Additionally, If you can just get a pic of her I will consider entering you into the drawing. I am usually the one taking the pics everywhere and I bogarted the camera to capture the moment I reel in that monster fish this weekend.
Seriously. I want a damn pic of her all dressed up in that friggin blue hat. PLEASE help me.
To the potential anon commenter: Yes I am begging. I have NO shame.
__________________________________________
Something I learned from a friend of mine. Calling 1 (800) my-puppy will not get you $15 in coupons for dog food. Geez. where do people get this crap from.
__________________________________________
I can't wait to get back and post about the totally awesome fishing excursion I am about to go on. YEeeeeeee HAaaawwwwww!!!
Thursday, July 23, 2009
What I learned last night.
This will be short and sweet.
1.) I am apparently delirious from lack of sleep
2.) If you are trying to rent a car through Enterprise. Don't call 1-800-enterprise. It isn't exactly a car rental place. It's a great way to prank someone but don't call it from your work phone.
3.) I learned why DVD's cost so much money. I am trying to put one together with a title menu for my grandparent's 50th anniversary and.... lets just say I went another day with no friggin sleep. I was up until 2:00 and only have a title screen. No chapters and no movie behind it. GGRRRRRrrrr.
4.) I also learned that my super awesome comment on Crystal's blog doesn't make sense to anyone but me.
5.) This one doesn't count because I knew already but had almost forgotten. Some people are and always will be maggots on turds. Anony-mouse people leave comments on other peoples blogs without fear because they can hide. It's not like they are being noble and hiding their identity like batman. They spew evil from their mouth from a safe protected cage of anonymity. The ones that spew said evil can, I'd shove a milk-bone down your throat and a hungry dog up your ass.
That is all. Have a good day!
1.) I am apparently delirious from lack of sleep
2.) If you are trying to rent a car through Enterprise. Don't call 1-800-enterprise. It isn't exactly a car rental place. It's a great way to prank someone but don't call it from your work phone.
3.) I learned why DVD's cost so much money. I am trying to put one together with a title menu for my grandparent's 50th anniversary and.... lets just say I went another day with no friggin sleep. I was up until 2:00 and only have a title screen. No chapters and no movie behind it. GGRRRRRrrrr.
4.) I also learned that my super awesome comment on Crystal's blog doesn't make sense to anyone but me.
5.) This one doesn't count because I knew already but had almost forgotten. Some people are and always will be maggots on turds. Anony-mouse people leave comments on other peoples blogs without fear because they can hide. It's not like they are being noble and hiding their identity like batman. They spew evil from their mouth from a safe protected cage of anonymity. The ones that spew said evil can, I'd shove a milk-bone down your throat and a hungry dog up your ass.
That is all. Have a good day!
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
20 Items or less.
I have a bad habit of counting items in the basket in front of me in the 20 items or less line, especially if I'm in a hurry. The lines at this particular store are outrageously long and I try to escape the chaotic cluster that I call shopping as quickly as possible.
They put in those self checkout lanes to trick people into thinking things will go faster for you. Ha! Little do they know I am an observer, competitor, skeptic, and am always trying to find ways to make my life more efficient. They have potential to be faster but most of the time that isn't the case. I usually end up with a COMPLETELY computer illiterate person in front of me or, someone wanting to so desperately be a cashier they try to pay 3-4 different ways with coupons etc. That, or you end up with a woman with 3 kids begging for M&M's while she digs into her sweaty bra for her fiddy dolla bill to try to put into the machine. Either the machine doesn't like titty sweat or the other "clean" bills reject it because nobody wants to be next to the stinky, nasty, sweaty one and the machine will spit it back out of the machine. Then you have to wait on the real cashier to come complete the process for you. I mean SERIOUSLY!!!! You should only be able to use those if you are well qualified. By qualified I mean it shouldn't take you 10 minutes to get beer, ice cream, house shoes, and 3 packages of M&M's through the machine, into a bag, complete your check out process and get the hell out of my way. They should issue a card to qualified shoppers so things like this don't happen.
I always race at whatever I am doing when it comes to stupid and unimportant things like checking out. I will pick out a person in another line and see who gets out first. I have narrowed down the number of cashiers I will use. I also race when taking an alternate route home when someone else is leaving from the same place but going down the mainstream roads to the same destination. I dunno why. I just do.
Getting back to 20 items or less. I get pretty anal when I am in a hurry and someone with a huge basket of stuff is in the express line or whatever they call it. I was 4th in line and figured that it would be fairly quick. I had 30 minutes before daycare closed. I waited as a line formed behind me and realized that I had been there a good while and only moved up one place. I was now 3rd and the couple being checked out had a basket FULL of stuff. It was time to count. I counted 27 after beginning about halfway through the process. Then I started counting the items in the basket directly in front of me. The items were easy to count because they were mostly boxes. 8 frozen pizzas, 2 small tubs of tater salad, 2 boxes of mini cup-cakes, 2 boxes of star crunch, 2 bags of chips, 2 cases of coke, and a candy bar. 19! Wee hoo. She knows! She knows! I felt kinda bad because she looked to be 400 pounds already and that kinda food wouldn't help her weight. As bad as it sounds, I wondered if she was going to share all of this with someone else. I have been at that point in my life before but have been making changes over the last few years to change all of that. With the help of my wife of course. ( I lost 60 pounds last year)
I wondered if she had counted and came in just under the wire. Did she put some things back? No. She only had 19 items. Surely that's not the case. Why 19? She moved up to check out and hidden under the chips was a produce bag. 20! I knew it! She moved the produce bag to the front but the cashier put it back behind everything else. (closest to me) I guess she didn't want to crush the fresh food with boxes of pizza while bagging. Then the cashier did something really stupid. (surprise!) Holding up one of the pizzas she asked, "Do you like these? Are they any good?" WTF man. Do you buy 8 items of a food you don't like? Then they began to talk as she moved the produce back up to the front of the line. Oblivious, the cashier moved it back to the back again. I could barley make out what it was because it was wrapped about 5 times in one of those somewhat clear bags. It was a cucumber. No friggin way! This woman was trying to get the thing in a bag so the people, like me, behind her wouldn't know that she was going home to whittle up a surprise. Most of my anality.... Yes... anality was replace with sick thoughts and inner laughter. As a grown man, I still often think like a boy. I guess it makes sense since only claim to be grown, not mature.
__________________________________________
How bad is it when spell check corrects your spelling of illiterate?
I aint no good speller.
__________________________________________
I've been a busy bee here lately. It's been about a week since my last post but only people on my mailing list know why. Maybe you should get in on the action and sign up. Maybe.....
They put in those self checkout lanes to trick people into thinking things will go faster for you. Ha! Little do they know I am an observer, competitor, skeptic, and am always trying to find ways to make my life more efficient. They have potential to be faster but most of the time that isn't the case. I usually end up with a COMPLETELY computer illiterate person in front of me or, someone wanting to so desperately be a cashier they try to pay 3-4 different ways with coupons etc. That, or you end up with a woman with 3 kids begging for M&M's while she digs into her sweaty bra for her fiddy dolla bill to try to put into the machine. Either the machine doesn't like titty sweat or the other "clean" bills reject it because nobody wants to be next to the stinky, nasty, sweaty one and the machine will spit it back out of the machine. Then you have to wait on the real cashier to come complete the process for you. I mean SERIOUSLY!!!! You should only be able to use those if you are well qualified. By qualified I mean it shouldn't take you 10 minutes to get beer, ice cream, house shoes, and 3 packages of M&M's through the machine, into a bag, complete your check out process and get the hell out of my way. They should issue a card to qualified shoppers so things like this don't happen.
I always race at whatever I am doing when it comes to stupid and unimportant things like checking out. I will pick out a person in another line and see who gets out first. I have narrowed down the number of cashiers I will use. I also race when taking an alternate route home when someone else is leaving from the same place but going down the mainstream roads to the same destination. I dunno why. I just do.
Getting back to 20 items or less. I get pretty anal when I am in a hurry and someone with a huge basket of stuff is in the express line or whatever they call it. I was 4th in line and figured that it would be fairly quick. I had 30 minutes before daycare closed. I waited as a line formed behind me and realized that I had been there a good while and only moved up one place. I was now 3rd and the couple being checked out had a basket FULL of stuff. It was time to count. I counted 27 after beginning about halfway through the process. Then I started counting the items in the basket directly in front of me. The items were easy to count because they were mostly boxes. 8 frozen pizzas, 2 small tubs of tater salad, 2 boxes of mini cup-cakes, 2 boxes of star crunch, 2 bags of chips, 2 cases of coke, and a candy bar. 19! Wee hoo. She knows! She knows! I felt kinda bad because she looked to be 400 pounds already and that kinda food wouldn't help her weight. As bad as it sounds, I wondered if she was going to share all of this with someone else. I have been at that point in my life before but have been making changes over the last few years to change all of that. With the help of my wife of course. ( I lost 60 pounds last year)
I wondered if she had counted and came in just under the wire. Did she put some things back? No. She only had 19 items. Surely that's not the case. Why 19? She moved up to check out and hidden under the chips was a produce bag. 20! I knew it! She moved the produce bag to the front but the cashier put it back behind everything else. (closest to me) I guess she didn't want to crush the fresh food with boxes of pizza while bagging. Then the cashier did something really stupid. (surprise!) Holding up one of the pizzas she asked, "Do you like these? Are they any good?" WTF man. Do you buy 8 items of a food you don't like? Then they began to talk as she moved the produce back up to the front of the line. Oblivious, the cashier moved it back to the back again. I could barley make out what it was because it was wrapped about 5 times in one of those somewhat clear bags. It was a cucumber. No friggin way! This woman was trying to get the thing in a bag so the people, like me, behind her wouldn't know that she was going home to whittle up a surprise. Most of my anality.... Yes... anality was replace with sick thoughts and inner laughter. As a grown man, I still often think like a boy. I guess it makes sense since only claim to be grown, not mature.
__________________________________________
How bad is it when spell check corrects your spelling of illiterate?
I aint no good speller.
__________________________________________
I've been a busy bee here lately. It's been about a week since my last post but only people on my mailing list know why. Maybe you should get in on the action and sign up. Maybe.....
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
No Harmony! You don't say horse dick.
Harmony is talking more and more each day picking up on things you have NO idea you say and ones you do. SHIT! A word Harmony has already said a few times. The first time was on a Sunday after church. My Mom and I took harmony out to eat and for whatever reason my Mom decided to balance her check book while Harmony was playing with the last few lo-mien noodles on her plate. I guess Mom had forgotten about a check she wrote because she mumbled "Oh shit!" about 0.8 seconds later Harmony says "Oh Sthit!" Right away I turned to Mom and gave her the look as I chuckled. Apparently a little laugh is all it takes to turn an innocent toddler into a dirty word factory. When my mom grinned, Harmony amped it up a bit more. So almost at the top of her lungs she is saying it back to back while dawning a grin bigger than the jokers. With everyone in the restaurant looking, Mom and I are doing our damnedest to not bust a gut laughing. It is so hard to be angry when you can't help but to laugh
Tuesday, Crystal was frustrated at something in the kitchen and yelled "SHIT!" Harmony, picking up on us teaching Virgina to say "Oh my goodness" walks into the kitchen and reprimands her potty mouth mommy. "Mommy! You say oh my gooness. You no say sthit!" It's cute because she doesn't know what word means what. Just last night I was watching America's Got Talent when a 9 year boy old tore up a blues riff on the guitar. I said "DOOOOOOOODE!" and wouldn't you know it, Harmony comes over with her eyebrows lowered and in her mean voice while shaking her finger says. "Dada! You say oh my gooness. You no say dude."
Speaking of last night, Mom called to talk to Harmony. I normally put it on speaker and hand her the phone and follow her around and tell mom when she shakes her head yes and no. It also helps to tell her what Harmony it pointing the phone at when she says "Wook at dis Nona!" This particular call left me stunned a bit. Harmony was telling mom that she was reading a book and when mom asked what the book was about, things went south.
"I weed a horse dick"
"A WHAT?"
"A horse dick"
"A what?"
"A HORSE DICK"
She said it as clear as a bell. I was running everything through my head, trying to figure out where she could have picked that up. I started to blame daycare. Surely that's the only place.
I guess something clicked in mom's head. "OH! You have a stick horse?"
Harmony shook her head yes and took off towards her room. I followed for 2 reasons. 1) to watch for head shaking and 2) to find that damned stick horse that I thought we got rid of 6 months ago. I found no stick horse and remained annoyed at daycare.
Crystal got home a little later and I told her what harmony said. Then I was on my way to her room to ask her where she heard that and wondering. Do the girls at daycare have a Playgirl mag or something? Were they watching advanced educational videos? Where in the hell did she pick that up from? When I walked in her room, she was sitting on the bed reading one of those small picture books with cardboard pages.
"What are you doing sugar"
"I weedin... wooky its dick!"
I looked at the book and 2 pages were stuck together. When she pulled them apart there was sure enough a picture of a horse with a lot of splotchy white spots where the sticky stuff had taken little parts of the picture off. All craziness was avoided and there were no chicken wing incidents.
Kids are a wonderful thing. I love em'
Tuesday, Crystal was frustrated at something in the kitchen and yelled "SHIT!" Harmony, picking up on us teaching Virgina to say "Oh my goodness" walks into the kitchen and reprimands her potty mouth mommy. "Mommy! You say oh my gooness. You no say sthit!" It's cute because she doesn't know what word means what. Just last night I was watching America's Got Talent when a 9 year boy old tore up a blues riff on the guitar. I said "DOOOOOOOODE!" and wouldn't you know it, Harmony comes over with her eyebrows lowered and in her mean voice while shaking her finger says. "Dada! You say oh my gooness. You no say dude."
Speaking of last night, Mom called to talk to Harmony. I normally put it on speaker and hand her the phone and follow her around and tell mom when she shakes her head yes and no. It also helps to tell her what Harmony it pointing the phone at when she says "Wook at dis Nona!" This particular call left me stunned a bit. Harmony was telling mom that she was reading a book and when mom asked what the book was about, things went south.
"I weed a horse dick"
"A WHAT?"
"A horse dick"
"A what?"
"A HORSE DICK"
She said it as clear as a bell. I was running everything through my head, trying to figure out where she could have picked that up. I started to blame daycare. Surely that's the only place.
I guess something clicked in mom's head. "OH! You have a stick horse?"
Harmony shook her head yes and took off towards her room. I followed for 2 reasons. 1) to watch for head shaking and 2) to find that damned stick horse that I thought we got rid of 6 months ago. I found no stick horse and remained annoyed at daycare.
Crystal got home a little later and I told her what harmony said. Then I was on my way to her room to ask her where she heard that and wondering. Do the girls at daycare have a Playgirl mag or something? Were they watching advanced educational videos? Where in the hell did she pick that up from? When I walked in her room, she was sitting on the bed reading one of those small picture books with cardboard pages.
"What are you doing sugar"
"I weedin... wooky its dick!"
I looked at the book and 2 pages were stuck together. When she pulled them apart there was sure enough a picture of a horse with a lot of splotchy white spots where the sticky stuff had taken little parts of the picture off. All craziness was avoided and there were no chicken wing incidents.
Kids are a wonderful thing. I love em'
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
2012 Kickin' it Old Skool
I often wake up wishing I had a vacation day left so I could stay at home. That or I wish I was a PAW (from "The Millionaire Next Door") so I could afford to stay home. Today was one of those days.
I got home yesterday to my neighbor asking me to help him cut down a tree "real quick." He told me that he had a chainsaw and that if I helped him guide it down, he would chop it up and get the parts out of my yard and everything. I wasn't worried too much about the yard thing and am always willing to help someone if they ask. (nicely) What was to be a quick 10-15 minutes turned into an hour and a half. The chainsaw was crap and we reverted to the old school way and I broke out my axe. I sharpened it up a bit and went to hacking. If society comes to an end in 2012 like people are afraid of, I will still be able to chop down a tree without the need for gasoline, oil, electricity or an engine. It may take an hour and a half and cause ....4, 5, 6... ...7. 7 blisters on my sore hands, a sore back, and aching shoulders but I could get it done. That was the hardest tree I had ever sank an axe into. I guess its because it was a hardwood and not the pines I have been used too.
In other news, the same night I filled my friend in on what an NSF fee was, Harmony wanted to go to IHOP but I wanted B' Dubs (Buffalo Wild Wings). I must have asked her 20 times trying to get her to slip. "Do you want pancakes or CHICKEN WIIINGS?" Every time, no matter how I worded it, she said pancakes. Dammit. I tried one more thing. I said, "See Crystal, Harmony wants chicken wings!" Then the what had been a cute, quiet voice boiled up and turned into the pissed off pancake monster screaming "NOO! I NO SAY WANT CHICKEN WINNGSTH. I SAY PAAAAAAAN (PAUSE FOR BREATH) CAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKEEESSTH." I knew in that instant that B' Dubs was a no go.
The other night I was getting Harmony ready for bed and she wanted to "read" a book in her room first. She had several of her books laid out in a pattern on her bed. She picked one, crawled up in her bed and began mumbling as I put the other ones away. I went to help clean up the kitchen from the disaster I make every time I cook and the next thing I know she come running into the living room with 2 purses, exclaiming that she was going to go get some chicken winngsth. Crystal and I looked at each other then back at her and said. "OK." She, with a purse on each arm, runs to the front door and takes off, out the door at 9:00. I am standing there puzzled wondering if that really just happened. I looked back at Crystal and I could tell that she was thinking the same thing. About that time, she comes bursting back in the door asking if the car had any gas in it. We were floored. NO seriously we were laughing so hard that we were both on the floor. It was ROTFL... IRL. Meanwhile Harmony was looking at us with great displeasure, both hands on her hips and tapping her foot as if to say: "You bitches gonna answer me, or am I going to have to walk?" It was one of the cutest things on the planet. I had to tell her that it was bedtime and that we could go the next day to get chicken wings. She finally agreed and all was well.
So the very next night. SAME THING. I got her into her pajamas and at 9:00... "I go bye bye an git sum chicken winngsth." She takes off, full throttle, to the front door. This time I caught her, got her calmed down, and put her to bed before she grabbed the keys and drove away. I have created a monster.
I got home yesterday to my neighbor asking me to help him cut down a tree "real quick." He told me that he had a chainsaw and that if I helped him guide it down, he would chop it up and get the parts out of my yard and everything. I wasn't worried too much about the yard thing and am always willing to help someone if they ask. (nicely) What was to be a quick 10-15 minutes turned into an hour and a half. The chainsaw was crap and we reverted to the old school way and I broke out my axe. I sharpened it up a bit and went to hacking. If society comes to an end in 2012 like people are afraid of, I will still be able to chop down a tree without the need for gasoline, oil, electricity or an engine. It may take an hour and a half and cause ....4, 5, 6... ...7. 7 blisters on my sore hands, a sore back, and aching shoulders but I could get it done. That was the hardest tree I had ever sank an axe into. I guess its because it was a hardwood and not the pines I have been used too.
In other news, the same night I filled my friend in on what an NSF fee was, Harmony wanted to go to IHOP but I wanted B' Dubs (Buffalo Wild Wings). I must have asked her 20 times trying to get her to slip. "Do you want pancakes or CHICKEN WIIINGS?" Every time, no matter how I worded it, she said pancakes. Dammit. I tried one more thing. I said, "See Crystal, Harmony wants chicken wings!" Then the what had been a cute, quiet voice boiled up and turned into the pissed off pancake monster screaming "NOO! I NO SAY WANT CHICKEN WINNGSTH. I SAY PAAAAAAAN (PAUSE FOR BREATH) CAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKEEESSTH." I knew in that instant that B' Dubs was a no go. 
The other night I was getting Harmony ready for bed and she wanted to "read" a book in her room first. She had several of her books laid out in a pattern on her bed. She picked one, crawled up in her bed and began mumbling as I put the other ones away. I went to help clean up the kitchen from the disaster I make every time I cook and the next thing I know she come running into the living room with 2 purses, exclaiming that she was going to go get some chicken winngsth. Crystal and I looked at each other then back at her and said. "OK." She, with a purse on each arm, runs to the front door and takes off, out the door at 9:00. I am standing there puzzled wondering if that really just happened. I looked back at Crystal and I could tell that she was thinking the same thing. About that time, she comes bursting back in the door asking if the car had any gas in it. We were floored. NO seriously we were laughing so hard that we were both on the floor. It was ROTFL... IRL. Meanwhile Harmony was looking at us with great displeasure, both hands on her hips and tapping her foot as if to say: "You bitches gonna answer me, or am I going to have to walk?" It was one of the cutest things on the planet. I had to tell her that it was bedtime and that we could go the next day to get chicken wings. She finally agreed and all was well.So the very next night. SAME THING. I got her into her pajamas and at 9:00... "I go bye bye an git sum chicken winngsth." She takes off, full throttle, to the front door. This time I caught her, got her calmed down, and put her to bed before she grabbed the keys and drove away. I have created a monster.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Things crazy people do.
Did you guys know that the sears tower put in glass balconies on the 103rd floor? You can count me OUT. NO way in hell are any of you gonna get my big ass out in a piece of glass a quarter mile up in the air. That is a disaster waiting to happen. And I DAMN sure aint paying you 20 buck to do it. You also wont catch me jumping out of a perfectly good airplane or jumping off of a bridge with rubber bands tied to my ankles. How does it not rip peoples feet off? Geez.
WAIT! I just had a great idea. What if you could take a drunk/passed out friend up there and have them wake up to nothing below them. Just watching them freak out would be priceless. HA HA HA ha ... ha... I swear, if any of you think of putting me out there if/when I am passed out, and I survive the inevitable heart attack. I am going to hunt you down and... Well, I am not going to incriminate myself but it wont be pretty.
WAIT! I just had a great idea. What if you could take a drunk/passed out friend up there and have them wake up to nothing below them. Just watching them freak out would be priceless. HA HA HA ha ... ha... I swear, if any of you think of putting me out there if/when I am passed out, and I survive the inevitable heart attack. I am going to hunt you down and... Well, I am not going to incriminate myself but it wont be pretty.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Baby Elephant and mailing list.
Edit: Baby elephant fell and mommy leaned down to help. One of her tusks injured the baby and it died as a result. Just before noon today. Thanks Beagle and Carrie.
____________________________________________
We had the first ever baby elephant at our zoo this week. We became members of the Memphis Zoo for the
first time this year and have tried to be more involved with the activities going on there. Yeah, we are failing horribly at it so far. It's well worth it to become a member though if you plan on going more than once a year. Our family can go everyday all day for $70 a year. It costs $45 to go once. Anyhow I was reading about the baby and how they are going to have a public naming contest when I came across the article where the local Le Bonheur hospital donated a human breast pump to the Mommy elephant. A human breast pump? I guess I've never looked for hooters on an elephant before but I'd reckon they'd be hard to miss. New kids movie: Horton hears about Whooters. It reminded me of a horrible experience I had with a breast pump once. Those things cause monkey nipples and are NOT comfortable. AT ALL. I just thank God there are no pictures or video to go with the story.
________________________________________________
The mayor of Memphis (King Willie who was promoted by Prince Mongo to win the election) has publicly announced his resignation 4-5 different times in the past few years and each time withdrew shortly after. One of the local radio stations is trying to push for the new baby elephant to replace him. Seriously, they have good reason. King Willie has been mayor for years during which the City of Memphis and it's utilities have plummeted. MLG&W (light gas and water) was the #1 utility company in the entire USA when he was first elected. Now... it is dead last. Not next to last.... it's the worst utility in America. I could go on and on and on and on and on about this tool but I wont. Not today. Anybody that knows anything about anything knows that he has and is running Memphis into the ground but the ignorant people in the city continue to re-elect him. Why? I have my own theories but I will keep them to myself.
I just realized that I must be living in a horrible kids movie. King Willie... Prince Mongo... These are real friggin people. May not be their real names but that's what almost EVERYBODY calls them. Please somebody pinch me and wake me up. This is all turning into a nightmare.
________________________________________________
The new Mailing list thingy had me confused and I accidentally deleted everyone that signed up so you have to put your info in again. Sorry! I still love ya. Well... I know what to do now. Guess that's the bright side of it.
Come see our baby elephant (when it is out for view) and give me some notice. Maybe we could meet up or something. They said the thing is only 3 feet tall. I wannnnnaaaaa seeeeee!!!
____________________________________________
We had the first ever baby elephant at our zoo this week. We became members of the Memphis Zoo for the
first time this year and have tried to be more involved with the activities going on there. Yeah, we are failing horribly at it so far. It's well worth it to become a member though if you plan on going more than once a year. Our family can go everyday all day for $70 a year. It costs $45 to go once. Anyhow I was reading about the baby and how they are going to have a public naming contest when I came across the article where the local Le Bonheur hospital donated a human breast pump to the Mommy elephant. A human breast pump? I guess I've never looked for hooters on an elephant before but I'd reckon they'd be hard to miss. New kids movie: Horton hears about Whooters. It reminded me of a horrible experience I had with a breast pump once. Those things cause monkey nipples and are NOT comfortable. AT ALL. I just thank God there are no pictures or video to go with the story.________________________________________________
The mayor of Memphis (King Willie who was promoted by Prince Mongo to win the election) has publicly announced his resignation 4-5 different times in the past few years and each time withdrew shortly after. One of the local radio stations is trying to push for the new baby elephant to replace him. Seriously, they have good reason. King Willie has been mayor for years during which the City of Memphis and it's utilities have plummeted. MLG&W (light gas and water) was the #1 utility company in the entire USA when he was first elected. Now... it is dead last. Not next to last.... it's the worst utility in America. I could go on and on and on and on and on about this tool but I wont. Not today. Anybody that knows anything about anything knows that he has and is running Memphis into the ground but the ignorant people in the city continue to re-elect him. Why? I have my own theories but I will keep them to myself.
I just realized that I must be living in a horrible kids movie. King Willie... Prince Mongo... These are real friggin people. May not be their real names but that's what almost EVERYBODY calls them. Please somebody pinch me and wake me up. This is all turning into a nightmare.
________________________________________________
The new Mailing list thingy had me confused and I accidentally deleted everyone that signed up so you have to put your info in again. Sorry! I still love ya. Well... I know what to do now. Guess that's the bright side of it.
Come see our baby elephant (when it is out for view) and give me some notice. Maybe we could meet up or something. They said the thing is only 3 feet tall. I wannnnnaaaaa seeeeee!!!
Monday, July 6, 2009
Badass moms.
Keepin' it real with the stupid and corny stuff.
If you want to be cool enough to use one of these.
You have to sport a unibrow like this
OR... be bad to the bone like this and take him out at the toodles.
Just friggin priceless!
We Survived!
This weekend was really busy and the only person that got tore up was Harmony. her legs look like something right off of the Mayo Clinic website. Other than that it was filled with fun, laughter, activities, emotion, and the usual daily drama. It's the first year EVER I didn't pop off a single firecracker. I did , however, get to make laundry detergent and BOY does the house smell good. There was so much soap in our kitchen at one point that you could taste it in the air. Of course we had a few people over and we each made our own batch at the same time.
I've always wanted to tape explosives to a sledge hammer and hit a metal plate in a dusty field. I know, it's just one of those things I have never shared with anyone. If you want to see what it looks like click on this. You have to click an age verification thing but it is safe for work. And because it is labeled in the "18 and over" category, it wouldn't let me embed it. (dangit)I wonder what would have happened if he would have been able to hold on to the thing. Hope everyone had a great weekend.
I've always wanted to tape explosives to a sledge hammer and hit a metal plate in a dusty field. I know, it's just one of those things I have never shared with anyone. If you want to see what it looks like click on this. You have to click an age verification thing but it is safe for work. And because it is labeled in the "18 and over" category, it wouldn't let me embed it. (dangit)I wonder what would have happened if he would have been able to hold on to the thing. Hope everyone had a great weekend.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Another Thanksgiving day. The 4th of July
I borrowed some quotes from here.
Freedom has its life in the hearts, the actions, the spirit of men and so it must be daily earned and refreshed - else like a flower cut from its life-giving roots, it will wither and die. ~Dwight D. Eisenhower
Liberty is always dangerous, but it is the safest thing we have. ~Harry Emerson Fosdick
It is easy to take liberty for granted, when you have never had it taken from you. ~Dick Cheney
We need an America with the wisdom of experience. But we must not let America grow old in spirit. ~Hubert H. Humphrey
Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves. ~Abraham Lincoln
A statistician made a few calculations and discovered that since the birth of our nation more lives had been lost in celebrating Independence than in winning it. ~Curtis Billings
I am thankful to have freedom. I can say what I want, worship who/what/whenever I want, go wherever I want, wear whatever I want, and date/marry whomever I want. I don't have to worry about stepping into a war zone when I open my front door. Most of us bitch about things we are unhappy with on a daily basis. As for ME, I want to take this day to be thankful I have those things to bitch about. Things could always be worse.
We are off to a family reunion in Skeeter Town, Arkansas tomorrow. I wish everyone a happy 4th. Wish us luck. I hope we make it through the weekend with enough blood to survive on.
-Mr. McKnob
Freedom has its life in the hearts, the actions, the spirit of men and so it must be daily earned and refreshed - else like a flower cut from its life-giving roots, it will wither and die. ~Dwight D. Eisenhower
Liberty is always dangerous, but it is the safest thing we have. ~Harry Emerson Fosdick
It is easy to take liberty for granted, when you have never had it taken from you. ~Dick Cheney
We need an America with the wisdom of experience. But we must not let America grow old in spirit. ~Hubert H. Humphrey
Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves. ~Abraham Lincoln
A statistician made a few calculations and discovered that since the birth of our nation more lives had been lost in celebrating Independence than in winning it. ~Curtis Billings
I am thankful to have freedom. I can say what I want, worship who/what/whenever I want, go wherever I want, wear whatever I want, and date/marry whomever I want. I don't have to worry about stepping into a war zone when I open my front door. Most of us bitch about things we are unhappy with on a daily basis. As for ME, I want to take this day to be thankful I have those things to bitch about. Things could always be worse.
We are off to a family reunion in Skeeter Town, Arkansas tomorrow. I wish everyone a happy 4th. Wish us luck. I hope we make it through the weekend with enough blood to survive on.
-Mr. McKnob
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