Humpity Humping Hump Day (say it 3 times fast)

Things to hump on this wonderful hump day.

1. I would personally like to hump the swine flu to death. We are mostly over it. Still a little tired at times but nobody died.

2. Wal-mart needs a hump for raising the bar and offering 100 toys for $10 and setting a course that other stores are following. Good for them in our current economic state.

3. Someone do the honors for obvious reasons. (there will be a form, a background check, and blood work needed for this one) My mom needs a hump for risking getting sick by driving in with a boatload of meds and soup. Harmony who was just getting over the H1N1 when Crystal and I got hit the hardest and she volunteered to get her so we could rest up.

4. Hump the person that invented socks. These boots would be uncomfortable as hell without them. Thank you. I tried to research who came up with them and couldn't find a place where everyone agrees. Geez. Who knew people would actually be disputing who came up with socks. I'm just glad someone did and that the idea has stuck up till now.

5. Hump people without a sense of humor. You know the ones. The people that are always negative about everything and want others to be as miserable as they are. They need some humpin'. Hey a lil humpin' cheers me up. Who knows? Humping (with consent of course) could make the world a better place. Toady is HUMP day. No matter how bad your day is, when you get off or get the kids to bed... hump the one(s) you love.


This is message was approved by Mr. McKnob.

Swine flu

Harmony got diagnosed with the H1N1 virus a few days ago. The doc said she was high risk for contracting and spreading because she is so young. Now that she is pretty much over it, Crystal and I have come down with it.

I dunno what it's supposed to feel like but this is one of the worst things I've ever felt. This morning was the worst of it. It felt like I had been hit by a freight train. I could barely move and had a horrible dry cough. I was wearing sweats and covered up with blankets and comforters and still felt like I was going to freeze to death.

I called my mom and told her what was going on and she volunteered to tome get Harmony because I was doing everything in my power, literally, to try and keep up with her. She risked getting it herself and came over with a truckload of soup, medicine, and stuff to make a few Hot Toddys. She got here and after some chicken noodle soup, Tylenol, and a hot toddy, I went to bed.That was about 2 and now its around 9:30. I just finished off some more soup, another tylenol, and another one of those nasty effin hot toddys and am going back to bed.

Mom was right about it helping, I could barely move this morning and now I am still achy but at least I can function. She mixed 1/3 lemon juice & 1/3 honey and put it in the microwave for a minute and then added 1/3 whisky. If I had to imagine what it tastes like, I would say warm fish piss. Whatever works right?

I hope you never have to go through this. Not even the one troll that frequents me.

If your weekend is sucking, you can say "Hey! At least I don't have swine flu."

Love ya!

Playing Sick

One of the local radio stations got a call from a mom who's kid skipped school yesterday. He probably would have gotten away with it if the school didn't call his mom and asked why she wrote :

My child was absent from school today because he had cat scratch fever.

beh derh derowww cat scratch feverrr derh derh derh derowwww.

These people around here kill me sometimes. Keeps me amused though.

Humpity Hump Day

Holy cow. I would have thought it was Tuesday all day if eBay hadn't sent me an e-mail to remind me of Mystery Wednesdays. OOOooo

1.) Hump being broke. I know most of you out there are loaded and don't know what that's like so I'll tell you. It SUCKS! HA!

2.) Hump credit card companies for upping the interest over 15%. Seriously! 15% isn't enough for you? You need closer to 30% or are you just greedy bastards?

3.) Hump the woman I work with that gets pissed at you for bringing your lunch because that means you can't pick something up for her on YOUR lunch break. Leave every once in a while you 45 year, proud smoking, lung hacking whore. I'm done being nice to you.

4.) Hump good tasting foods for being high in carbs, fat, and/or calories. I can't even have tuna salad without going over a normal amount of carbs and fat.

5.) Hump people that think they are for some reason better or more deserving than others and /or jealous. Envy is one of the deadly sins.

The Great Question Challenge!

Virginia has been grounded for lying and sneaking candy (and pop-tarts) into her room and stuffing the wrappers in "hiding" spots. So she has been spending more quality time with us instead of being hoarded up in her room for hours at a time. She even asked if she could go got the store with me. WOW! I think she wanted to go for no other reason than to make sure I didn't forget the fudge pop-tarts that helped get her into trouble in the first place.

We get there and like most kids asked for almost everything that was colorful.

"OOOoo! Can we get this?"

"Do you even know what that is?"

"No!"

"Then put it down and quit touching stuff."

She did fairly good compared to most of the times she has gone with me until she saw this boy she met at her cousins house. She wanted to walk down that isle to see if he noticed her. He glanced but that was about it. I guess she was confused about if he saw her or liked her and it was like she jumped on the annoying train and I was chained to the track. It was question after question after question after question. Then she wanted to show me the Hannah Montana "Bam, Bam, turkey and ham" routine and the MILLION different ways it could be done. (even in slow-mo!) She had whittled my nerves down to almost nothing. I kept my cool and played along until we got outside.

"V. I want to challenge you. I want to see if you can go 30 minutes without asking a question. OK?"

"Sure. I can do that. Easy" she replied with that one eyebrow lowered/one raised smirk on her face. "What do I get if I win?"

"Bwah hah ha ha ha ha!"

We "started over" 7 times in the first 10 minutes. I gave up and asked her to go take a bath. She was in there about 30 minutes and yelled "I won! I won! I told you I could go 30 minutes."

I need a vacation. No seriously, I need a vacation. If you have some you can loan me.... I wish.

Hump Day

Things to hump on this hump day!

1. Debra for commenting on my post on Monday directing me to this guy pushing for a sarcastic font. He is my hero. And thank you!

2. All the rain here. I was torn between watering the grass and having a higher bill or just letting it all die because the funds are tight.

3. Gas stations being on every corner. I have been known to run my truck completely out of gas and there has always been a gas station close enough for me to coast into. I may look into getting that fuel gauge fixed one day.

4. The people sticking up for that Taylor Swift chick. Kanye has been through in my mind since the outburst during hurricane Katrina. Bush sent the hurricane there because he hates black people but Bill gates cant stop a small hurricane with billions of dollars. Get over yourself dude.

5. People that laugh at my corny jokes. I love you. You make me happy.

I have heard of the love boat

(You may have to click on the picture to be able to read it.)

It's been a long time since I've heard those magical words!!! Screen capture- The new greatest thing since sliced bread.


Have a wonderful Tuesday. Legit or not, That shit is funny. Hope you didn't get caught busting a gut at work.

Economic bank scandal

I came across this article about a bank executive using a bank owned property to throw parties. I wasn't surprised or appalled at anything but the very last paragraph.

Do people SERIOUSLY have that kind of money?

It's ben 10 days...

Things have been super crazy busy at the house. Crystal quit her job, then her brother passed away, then there was about 4-5 days of her family from Texas and a funeral, my mom's birthday, and me still working everyday. WHEW!! Things are not so busy now. It's time to get back in the saddle and get to rolling on with normal.... well.... at least normal life for us.

I have had a few things stuck in my brain.

1) Does anyone else out there agree that there is a GREAT need for a sarcasm font?

2) Why do people ask if they can ask you a question? "Can I ask you a question?" What do you say to that? NO isn't sufficient because they already dropped one on you.

3) Why do car manufacturers charge you to put in stuff you don't want or will never use like blinkers and seat belt reminders?

4) Can Mondays be half days from now on to ease us back into the work week?

5) Why not make pot legal? Good people get fired all the time for failing a drug test, yet some places you can legally buy it on the street. Make it legal and tax it and make the world a better place. Well, maybe not better but it would make a lot of people happier. I'm not a smoker myself so don't assume I have an extreme opinion on the situation it just makes sense to me.

I got this in an e-mail

I got this in an e-mail and it is so true for some people.

DAILY THOUGHT:

SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.

I can think of a few right now.

Phillip Garrido

The person that stole the bike in my previous post

Muslim extremists

Feel free to keep the list going in comments...

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No other words needed

Hump day

Things to hump on this hump day...

1. The 24 hour day. There is too much stuff to get done in 24 hours especially if you are expected to sleep for 8 of them. I move for a 28 hour day.

2. The time I spend trying to get an iPhone on Craigslist by bartering. I could probably cut back down to 24 hours in a day once I accomplish that.

3. The fear of the H1N1 (swine flu) virus. It's probably not going to kill you. Don't freak out too much.

4. Gmail for crashing yesterday. C'Mon Google. Yahoo people had bragging rights yesterday. I HATE that especially as much as I rave about you. You made me look like an ass. Pre-shate' that.

5. Phillip Garrido. I hate to capitalize this sick fuck's name because he is inhuman to me. Did he perform the delivery of the first baby on the 14 year old. This fucker needs his hands and feet tied together, then his feet tied to his hands and hung just above a wild boar pen so they can eat his junk off. Then again, he might enjoy that too. just put a bullet in this guy and rid the world of him.

Hope you are having a GREAT hump day!!!